Bishounen no Jutsu
by wildcomets
Summary: A witch casts a spell on Sakura and Ino, and now they're the hottest guys in Konoha. The spell will be broken when a guy to falls for them. But Sasuke's not interested in men, and the two who know, Neji & Kiba, aren't helping. Oh woe. [NejiSaku, KibaIno]
1. Messieurs Haruka Sakui & Yamamoto Ichiro

Author's Note: Bishounen. Every girls' dream. Every guys' aspiration. Well...so it should be. So far, not many plots involve such where a girl is transformed into an amazingly handsome male specimen. Your wait is over. I am insane. I present to you my latest piece of blasphemy, a twisted work that involves Sakura, a character I very much dislike and so will redeem, as well as Ino, a character I don't mind, in a situation deemed impossible. Why I chose Sakura, the female character I most hate in _Naruto_, is not the fact that I am so open minded (which I am, of course arrogance shines) but rather, her pink hair. Imagine a guy with pink hair. I rest my case. As for Ino, she's going to be our stereotypical blond-blue eyed male model type.

While the title maybe called such, it involves no Bishie no Jutsu whatsoever...our herione (cough) is just cursed. Time is set when our beloved (and not so beloved) characters are 17-18, just to make relationships more legitimate. This story does not follow _Naruto_ exactly, so many major events may not have occurred. I support quirky pairings, hence the Neji-ness...and Byakugan is just so useful. Oh, and the Kiba-ness with his acute scent. What is also amusing is that I'm not really into writing romance. Oh woe, what has the world come to. If you are impressed by the way I wrote this (rather long) note...I'm sorry to say that this may be my only decent piece of writing. Prepare yourself for a ride into the twisted mind and humour of me. I will stop ranting now. Enjoy, my pretties, or just go find something better to do.

BISHOUNEN NO JUTSU

A Haruno Sakura and Yamanaka Ino Tale of Gender Mishaps

Prologue: The Witch Who Makes Dreams Come True

Rumour has spread across Konoha of a hermit, a witch, who lives alone, obviously, in a hidden area in a forest. They say she has the power to make any dream come true. No one knows exactly where in the forest this witch is situated. Some say illusions of more trees cover her humble abode. Others say she's actually a nomad, moving around to avoid people and prevent them from asking her to work her magic. Of course, majority say that this is just a stupid tale spread around town because town morale is exceedingly low as well making up for the lack of activity occurring.

Haruno Sakura was one of the majority. Inner Haruno Sakura was a believer. If anything, she wished to find this weaver of wishes and get her to make that spunk Uchiha Sasuke into her lover immediately. The seventeen year old giggled at the prospects of this occurring in secret. Yamanaka Ino, Sakura's best friend and rival in love, is also like this. Such is life.

Then the day came where Sakura and Ino were sent on a mission. A nice, simple, easy mission, where all they had to do was deliver a message to a small town, and do some regular medical checkups on the townspeople and the health system (Sakura) as well as the spy network (Ino). It was completed easily before the afternoon came, and both girls decided to make their way home. It was a beautiful, sunny day, with not a cloud in the sky. A bad day for cloud gazing though. Nara Shikamaru must be pissing himself now that his favourite pass time could not occur.

However, the sky turned dark, and the wind grew strong, strong enough to make branches fly in different directions, some threatening to skewer the two kunoichis. It began to rain, and lightning flashed across the skies, thunder pounding against her ears. Realising that continuing their return would mean suicide, Sakura initiated that they should find shelter, her blonde friend agreeing. They saw some random cave and decided to hide there. Little did they know that the cave they chose was one of those caves that were hidden by an illusion of trees.

The witch blamed the lightning entirely for the illusions to mess up. Damn static.

Sakura noted that the cave she entered had candles fixed along the walls. Candles whose wax did not melt. Silently, she cocked her head in the direction of the depths of the cave, Ino nodding in response. They trekked deeper into the cave, following the lights. Deeper and deeper they went, until Sakura tripped over a fold from a roughly placed rug. Ino ran to her friend's side.

"Klutz." came the cynical comment of a rather beautiful female, lounging on a leather couch, placed against the wall. The room, while dark and the walls were coarse, was rather elegant. Both girls gasped.

"Could it be...you're the witch?" Sakura asked, hope brewing within her. The woman raised an eyebrow.

"Who are you calling witch! I worked damn hard on making myself incredibly hot..."

"No...I mean the one who can make dreams come true." Small pause followed.

"Of course. You should see what I looked like before." The woman swung her hand to and fro near her neck, gesturing an execution. Sakura's eyes lit up in immense joy. She picked herself up and threw herself in front of the witch. Ino followed.

"Oi, Sakura, what are you -"

"Oh please! Make my dream come true!" Sakura pleaded to the witch. The witch pondered a little, then shrugged casually.

"Well, you did manage to see beyond the illusion, and I have nothing better to do..." The witch smiled. "Alright, I'll help you. However, there is the issue of payment..."

"I'll do anything!" Sakura cried desperately. She'd even sell her soul for Sasuke. The witch's smile turned into a grin. Ino knew where this was going, as her rivalry radar was picking up.

"Good. Now tell me dear, what dream do you want to be made into reality?" she asked kindly. Sakura's reply was immediate.

"Uchiha Sasuke to fall deeply and madly in love with me. Or at least make me so hot that Sasuke wouldn't be able to resist me." The witch blinked in surprise.

"That was quick." she remarked. Ino frowned.

"Wait! I want that too!" Sparks flew between the two friends/rivals as they glared menacingly at each other. The witch sighed.

"He must be quite the stud..." _I want to see him._ "But, alas, it's another one of those dreams that only little innocent girls would conjure..." She stood up. "I have thought of my payment. You both will learn about the meaning of love. How love cannot be conjured by a spell, but rather, by self. Your true love should love you no matter what you look like, but he should love you for you." _I can't believe I'm not asking for money. Oh me and my self-justice._ The witch's hands began to emit a pale blue light.

"I cannot make your Sasuke fall in love with you, I feel it is not justified...and also you both want him. However, I will make you incredibly hot...I mean, look at me..." The witch gave a little sexy pose. "However, your appearance would be one they will never recognise. If a male falls for you because you are you, you will return into your normal self, and of course, you must return his love the same way for that to occur. However, if a female falls for you, and you for her, well, the spell would not break, because let us just say it'll be better that way...now you'll be able to transform back into your original form for one - no, I'll be generous - two hours starting 8pm...unless you'll fall for a girl, of course, then the two hours would not be required...alright, time to make dreams come true..." Sakura and Ino were not stupid girls. They _knew_ where this was heading. The witch began to advance on them, muttering chants. Both began to back away.

"Um, I don't need this, I'm too beautiful already - "

"Um, actually, I changed my mind, maybe I'll - "

"ARGH!" Both cried out in pain before passing out.

Too late.

Chapter 1: Messieurs Haruka Sakui and Yamamoto Ichiro

Sakura woke up to find herself in the back alleys of Konoha. The storm left its delicate mark with the puddles and the wet grounds. She blacked out completely when the witch's spell came into contact with her. The witch must have sent her back. Or it was all just a stupid dream. She liked the latter solution. She looked around. Ino was missing. She ran her fingers into her hair.

She froze. Her head band was missing. She looked on her lap and sighed in relief. There it was, her Konoha shinobi head band.

She froze yet again. Not at the fact that her clothes were completely different, that she was wearing long pants, but at the fact that her legs were longer than usual. Then she noticed her hands. Not delicate and feminine, but large, though, fortunately, still slender. She remembered the witch's words.

"_...I will make you incredibly hot..._" Sakura's hands shot to her face and she began to finger it. It seemed to her that her features has changed drastically. Not drastically, completely. She ran to the nearest puddle and looked at her reflection.

She was face to face with the most good looking, pink haired, green eyed male she has ever seen. Was it not for the current situation, she would have started to salivate.

_Hell no._

"I..." came her now deep and suave male voice. But before she could react to her new manly voice, she passed out. Again.

---

Just when Sakura was regaining consciousness, Ino was doing the same behind some hedges in the park in Konoha. Her headband was also astray. She picked it up and began to tie it around her waist, wondering if Sakura was nearby. Then she stopped. The band would not go round her waist, it cut short. Did she suddenly put on some weight? But she couldn't. Her waist may be larger, but it was _muscular_. She saw her hands. Large, slender, masculine hands. Long legs covered by pants she never knew she wore. Wait a minute...

"_...I will make you incredibly hot..._" She took out the mirror she put in her headband, just in case. She saw herself.

But it was not her she saw. Short, stylish blond hair. Blue eyes. Handsome face. Definitely a poster boy. Stuff she'd want to molest.

_Shit._

"Wha..." her voice now deep, husky, and incredibly sexy. She fell with a thud before she could react to such masculinity.

---

Hyuuga Neji decided to take a walk that morning. No reason particular, he just wanted to feel the atmosphere after a storm. However, to avoid the usual crowd, he decided to walk in back alleyways. Anyway, his apartment had a balcony door at the back of the building, he could just leap to it. He concluded later that he will never walk in the back alleys after a storm again. Everywhere, this pungent smell welcomed him to his disgust.

"Damn sewers." He cursed to himself as he continued walking, seeing that there were no exits unless he kept moving. His strides were long and he briskly moved along the path, hoping to get out of this hell hole eventually. His brilliant vision caught a stir from a body strewn across the path. He stalled. The person must have been unconscious. _Must have been the alleyway's wonderful smell._ He ran towards the body.

"Are you alright?" He asked, lifting the young man up. Neji began to study the youth. He has never seen this person before. His age, possibly younger by a year or two. Short, disheveled pink hair, quite trendy. Pale green eyes. Body size and height, similar to his own. Wait a minute...

"Byakugan." Neji activated his Bloodline Limit technique, white eyes searching across the young man's body, following his chakra paths. Neji found what he needed. Chakra Signature. There was no doubt about it. What happened to this young man is naturally impossible, but his eyes and the Chakra Signature never lie. All possible reasons were beyond anything his genius could handle. But better to be calm, and question the young man...

"I'M SCREWED! I'M TOTALLY, TOTALLY SCREWED!" The pink haired young man shot up, back straight, eyes wide with horror. Neji gave a small, fake cough to indicate his presence. The youth turned and paled.

"I would agree that you are completely utterly screwed as well, Haruno Sakura."

That was the third time Sakura fainted.

_Half an hour later..._

Male Sakura's eyes fluttered open, his vision adjusting to the light. The first thing he saw was Hyuuga Neji. He managed to see through M.Sakura's current form. Neji made no attempt to welcome M.Sakura back. Rather, he went straight to the point.

"I have no idea what it going on. But do know that Chakra Signatures never lie." he said, passively demanding an explanation. Chakra Signatures...Sakura remembered reading that somewhere. There were like fingerprints, a small, unique chakra path in each and every human. It contributed nothing into the medical, hence s/he never delved into the topic, its only real purpose is identification. And then not every human can see it...well, not unless you have a Bloodline Limit like Byakugan.

"You used Byakugan on me..." M.Sakura said. He finally registered the sound of his voice. Not bad...not bad at all. He can get used to this...wait, what was he thinking!

"Oh course. Instinct...no...'genius' told me that you were not who you appear to be..." Neji answered in a matter-of-fact manner. M.Sakura rolled his eyes. "Now tell me, woman, what has happened?"

And so M.Sakura told Neji the whole incident and him meeting the witch. Neji scoffed.

"Are you daft? Are you that desperate to get your hands on Uchiha Sasuke?" he smirked. M.Sakura nodded slightly. Neji blinked rapidly at what he was seeing. It was so wrong to see a guy sit on his knees, legs together, hands on his lap, and nod like a dejected female. Oh the humanity. "So now you have to get him to fall for you?" Another nod.

"Hah. Give up." Neji remarked rudely. M.Sakura began to cry. Neji rolled his white eyes. "Come on, you're a man now. Women may cry over an infinite number of reasons, but we only have two. Physical pain and mental pain."

"I'M MENTALLY UNSTABLE RIGHT NOW!" M.Sakura screamed. Neji grabbed him and roughly placed his hand over M.Sakura's mouth.

"Hush! You wanna get caught?" He hissed. M.Sakura calmed down. Neji released him. "Alright, you said Ino was there too...I think it's a good idea to go find her. Get up, we're moving." He stood up, M.Sakura following suit, and they commenced their search for Ino.

---

As Neji was taking his walk, before his encounter with M.Sakura, Inuzuka Kiba and Akamaru were taking their daily morning walk in the park. They were experienced enough to avoid the back alleyways AT ALL COSTS after a rainstorm. In fact, just avoid the area at all. Especially since both would probably die from the reek being enhanced by their excellent sense of smell. Kiba was humming to himself when Akamaru suddenly barked and ran over to a mass of bushes.

"What? Someone's there?" Kiba asked his dog, understanding what he was saying. Akamaru barked again, and leapt into the bushes. "Akamaru!" Kiba followed, and found Akamaru nudging a stirring body. The blond young man sat up and looked fairly dazed. Kiba knelt beside him. What a familiar scent...but he swore he never saw this blond ever in his seventeen years of life. The blond looked to be his age, punier than he was, but possibly his height. _Another pretty boy, brilliant._ Kiba thought sarcastically.

"Oi." Kiba said gruffly. "You alright?" He swore he smelt this youth's scent before...but where? Kiba searched his scent database until he reached his answer. Yamanaka Ino. But that's impossible. Last he checked, Ino was female, with long blond hair, and was smaller than he was. Time to ask Akamaru.

"Psst...sniff this guy, tell me if you recognise him." Kiba whispered. Akamaru sniffed, and barked in confirmation. Crap. He was right. So his nose wasn't completely stuffed. The chances of him and Akamaru's noses being wrong were almost nil, especially after years and years of training. He needed more information. The young blond finally regained his senses.

"WHAT THE HELL HAS HAPPENED TO ME!" he shook his hands in horror. That was all the information Kiba needed to confirm this person's identity.

"Damn straight, Ino, I would like to know too."

Male Ino looked at the canine master and blinked in surprise, before passing out yet again. Kiba sighed. No one's going to faint on him. Not until he finds out what's going on.

_Five seconds later..._

"Wake up, bitch!" Kiba shouted impatiently as he roughly shook M.Ino back to consciousness. Such actions would make any medic shake their head in utter disbelief. M.Ino regained consicousness again, but it took him another five minutes to stop feeling winded from Kiba's actions. Once he was well again, he glared at Kiba.

"What!" he grunted rudely. Kiba returned the glare. Then he just looked shocked.

"What the hell happened? What is going on! You're...you're a..." Kiba squinted cursiously and suspiciously. "Does this mean you've lost your breasts and gained a - ow!" M.Ino smacked the back of Kiba's head very firmly.

"Shut up, I have not idea what has happened to me..." and he started to wail. Quite loudly. It would be a wonder if no one heard. Kiba's eyes widened in fear. What if someone heard this stupid she-man screaming? And they would come to investigate, and find him and this blond, alone, hidden behind some bushes.

"SHUT UP!" He attempted to make sure he was heard by M.Ino. "SHUT UP!"

"MY LIFE IS RUINED!"

"SHUT UP, BITCH! DON'T LET THEM FIND ME HERE WITH YOU!"

Silence. M.Ino finally registered what will happen if he was discovered with Kiba. Alone. Behind some bushes. Homosexual rumours would probably fly around town, and his prospects of making Sasuke fall for him would collapse like a heap. M.Ino wiped his tears and sniffed. Kiba, seeing that M.Ino was _finally_ calm, asked his question again.

"Now would you please tell me what goddamn happened!" And hence he began his story of how he met the witch and in jealousy ended up in this mess. Kiba smirked.

"And now you hafta get Sasuke...well, any guy, really...to fall for you, and you for him, and then the spell would be broken?" Kiba confirmed. M.Ino nodded. Kiba gave a fake, kind smile, and patted M.Ino's shoulder sportingly. "Good luck with your new life as a pretty boy."

"What!" M.Ino's voice was filled with shock.

"Well, unlike Sakura, who's already got a fistful of guys after her for the fact that...I dunno, she's she...from what I can see, you got no one after you. Your chances are next to nothing. Better just get used to being a guy. You've got the looks, I'm sure you can get a modeling career or something. There's lots of nice girls for you to find..." Kiba explained. M.Ino's face began to pucker and he began to wail again. Kiba panicked and then stuffed his fist into M.Ino's mouth. M.Ino still screamed quite loudly. Kiba's temple veins were beating heavily. And to think he used to live with a lot of women...that is, his family. He still could never understand them.

"SHUT UP, YOU STUPID BITCH! LET'S GO FIND SAKURA!" Silence. Kiba sighed in relief. "Alright, I'll just sniff her out, and you'll follow me okay? Don't talk to anyone. Come on, let's go." Kiba stood up, offering his hand to M.Ino. M.Ino took it, and followed, only to be scrutinised by the canine master once again.

"You're walking like a girl." Kiba murmured softly. M.Ino frowned

"I am a girl."

"That's not what people are gonna see...they see a poster boy." Kiba coughed. He grabbed the nearest stick and drew a line in the soil. "My sister told me once that girls walk with the feet in one line...well, guys walk with the inner side of their feet just barely missing the line. Also, we don't swing our arms the way you do...and since I have no time and no will to teach you, just place your hands in your pockets..." Kiba indicated to M.Ino his pants pockets. M.Ino forgot all about the pants. "...and don't take them out. Okay? Good." Kiba turned to Akamaru. "Alright, let's find Sakura. Find her scent, Akamaru."

---

"You're walking like a girl again. I told you, just place your hands in your pockets. It's a universal way to avoid arm swinging. Unless you want to look like Gaara and fold your arms across your chest." Neji instructed M.Sakura. M.Sakura frowned.

"This really sucks." He muttered. Neji nodded. But there was no time for commenting.

"Byakugan." Neji already suspected that though M.Sakura didn't see his/her friend transform, it was obvious that it will occur, as the witch did say she'll make both of them hot. Better to look for Ino's Chakra Signature. Neji focused his Byakugan into a long distance perimeter around him. They were walking in the direction of the park. People began to stare at the strange youth with the pink hair. It won't be long until the young brave girls start flocking towards him. Neji knew he'd better quicken his pace.

Suddenly, he felt relief. His eyes picked up Ino's Chakra Signature. Then he paled. While he already expected that Ino's transformation to happen, the overall shock still came. Same deal with Sakura: A blond, blue eyed male model type. Neji sighed. With two of them on haul, it would mean that even more gutsy, undignified girls would come, and that would mean their excape route would be totally blocked. But wait...was that another young man with M.Ino? Neji immediately recognised him to be Inuzuka Kiba. There would be only two reasons for Kiba's presence, either his sense of smell gave M.Ino away, or Kiba was completely oblivious to the situation and was only being hospitable to random stranger. Knowing Kiba, hospitable was something he would never understand, so it was obvious that it was the first reason.

"I've find her...er, I mean him. Er...yeah." Neji stopped talking altogether and quickened his pace into a brisk run, M.Sakura in tow. They eventually reached Kiba, Akamaru, and the blond. Akamaru barked.

"Alright!" Kiba exclaimed excitedly before taking a good look at Sakura. "Goddamn, Sakura! You too?" He didn't notice Neji was there. Then he did. Fake laughter followed. "Ahahaha...oops, I didn't say anything..."

"I already know. Byakugan revealed her Chakra Signature. I know that's really Ino standing next to you. And do you mind speaking a little quieter...people are looking at us." Neij whispered uneasily. Kiba sighed.

"I know that...but anyway, if your Byakugan revealed their identities to you, wouldn't that mean Hinata would find out eventually? Shouldn't we tell her before she founds out, and in confusion, go confirm it with Naruto or someone...?" Neji nodded at Kiba's suggestion.

"We'll take these two somewhere and decided what to do with them..."

"Like smuggle them out of the country."

"That's a good plan..."

"Hello, you both? Remember us?" M.Ino cried out indignantly, only to be shushed by the two true males. M.Sakura frowned.

"Yeah, since when are you two making decisions for us!" He demanded loudly. The two real male youths looked at them pleadingly.

"Please, just shut up." Kiba asked, his eyes as desperate as a puppy dog's. Suddenly, he blushed. A pretty seventeen year old girl with short dark blue hair appeared. "Hi-Hinata!" Kiba rasped, surprised.

"Neji-kun, Kiba-kun!" She waved excitedly at them. All four boys were as white as sheets, Kiba waving weakly back. Not only was Hyuuga Hinata, Neji's cousin, there, but also the rest of their friends, including Kankurou, a Sand Ninja, who is now living in Konoha as an ambassador, as well as being Tenten's "other half". It seemed that their love for weapons and such brought them together.

But that was not the point. The point was that a whole mass of people were coming their way. Including a whole bunch of possible threats. Hinata would be easy to handle...but their biggest problems lies with one other individual. Nara Shikamaru. While he may be the laziest shinobi alive and Konoha's Number One Coward, he was also the first out of their group to become a Chuunin, on his first go at the exam, mainly because of his incredibly cunning and calculative brain. He could also be quite deceptive. God knows what he could do...if he felt like it. Kiba then elbowed M.Sakura and M.Ino sharply in the ribs, as both were looking quite romantically at Sasuke. If anything would break their cover, those looks they gave Sasuke would certainly do the trick.

"Hi...all." Kiba greeted, dumbfounded. Naruto looked at the two strange young men.

"Oi, oi! Who are the hell are they?" _Same old Naruto..._M.Sakura thought. Neji calmly came out with and answer.

"We met them on a previous mission from one of the small towns...they came to visit." Good thing Neji still had his cool. Hinata was already looking highly suspiciously at the two boys, but she understood her cousin's eyes, telling her that he will tell her later. Shikamaru, looking bored as usual, but being the only gentlemen there who did not know these two, just stretched out his hand to offer a shake.

"Nara Shikamaru. Yoroshiku." He introduced. His hand was straight at M.Sakura. Pause. _Wait! No pauses! Shika's a genius, he'll work it out!_ M.Sakura took the hand.

"Ha-Haruka Sa-Sakui." Sakui answered. Kiba rolled his eyes. _Real original_. Shikamaru turned to the blond, and offered his hand. M.Ino knew that Sakui made a bit of a mistake in making his name to close to his own. Anyway, the only thing that he could think of that was close to Ino was Inu (dog) and Kiba would just kill him.

"Yamamoto Ichiro." _Ah good enough_. Ichiro thought as he shook Shikamaru's hand. Shikamaru looked indifferent, and whether he knew or not, no one knows. Hinata took it from there.

"I am Hyuuga Hinata, Neji-kun's cousin. He is..." she blushed as she looked at Naruto. "...Uzumaki Naruto-kun.

"I'm gonna be Hokage!" Naruto cried proudly. _BAKA!_ Sakui restrained himself from marching up to Naruto and punching him hte the face. Hinata continued.

"This is Aburame Shino-kun, Akimichi Chouji-kun, Rock Lee-kun, Tenten-san, Kankurou-kun and Uchiha Sasuke-kun." Each time Hinata introduced a friend, Sakui and Ichiro had to shake. It was quite weird being introduced to people they already know well enough. Well, except for the bit where they had to shake Sasuke's hand. Both blushed heavily, and Ichiro made it worse by saying:

"Pleasure to meet you, Sasuke-kun." in an almost seductive manner, while Sakui added more coal to the fire by looking quite lustful. The looks they got were all the same. Utter shock and horror. Could it be that these two were...

"Models." Neji piped in. Everyone sighed in relief. If that was part of their job, okay. With that topic now settled. Naruto then crossed his arms and pondered. He looked at Kiba and Neji.

"Hmm...have you seen Sakura-chan? I haven't seen her all yesterday or this morning." Sakui froze. Chouji stopped gorging his face with chips just to add a comment.

"Ino too." and he recommenced eating. Rock Lee's eyes were burning with determination. He started to wave his arms and legs, exercising some taijutsu.

"If Sakura-san's in trouble, I'll rescue her! And then she'll go out with me! WATCHYAAAA!" Pause. Kiba broke the silence by laughing uneasily.

"Well, I haven't seen anyone but Neji, Sa - er - Sakui, I-chi-ro and you guys!" _Dammit! I had to rake my brain so hard to get those names right!_

"Well, we must be going..." Neji started. "We must show these two around...ah, Hinata-sama, would you mind coming with us? I have something to give you, but I left it in my apartment."

"Coming, Neji-kun." She turned to their friends. "I'll see you later!"

"See ya, Hinata!" Naruto cried out "And you too, Sakui and Ichiro!"

"Bai bai, all!" Kiba cried, before spinning around as fast as he could and marched in the opposite direction. "Come on, let's move!" He dragged Sakui and Ichiro with him, walking rather fast. "Neji's apartment, we're heading that way."

"Neji? He has an apartment? I thought he lived with -"

"Less talking, more walking." Kiba interrupted. Akamaru barked in agreement, running after them. Hinata, to confirm her suspicions, performed Byukagan. She gasped loudly, and tugged Neji's sleeve.

"Neji-kun...they...they have Sakura-san and Ino-san's Chakra Signatures!"

"Yes, Hinata-sama, they are. We have to talk. Everyone of us." Neji whispered back. He watched the three males march to his apartment. His temple twitched. Neji felt a premonition come up. His future looked bleak.

_  
To be continued...with the next chapter. Obviously._

AN: That was really long (and boring) and the chapter ending was pretty stupid. It was especially long since this post has Prologue and Chapter 1 together...it's not as crazy as I wanted it sigh but, it's hard to get all introductions out with a bang. Well, all except the Kiba scenes. Lot's of screaming. Just in case you might get confused later on, remember that Sakura and Ino are forced to transform back into their original female forms every 8pm to 10pm, and which I will called them "Sakura" and "Ino". However, in their male forms, they will be referred to as "Sakui" and "Ichiro". Hopefully I can make this more amusing, and pick the story up, the chapters probably won't be as excessively long though. Tell me if you wish to see this piece continued. Till next time, ja-ne.


	2. Operation GetSasuke & Kiba gets molested

AN: Alright, loves, another chapter...hopefully more interesting that the last...and preferably with a better chapter ending. Ho di hum. I should be studying for exams. I will, of course, just taking a light break...also, I thank those who thought this idea was original. X3 X3 Hurrah to readers. I heart you all.

AN 2: This is post-exams. I was going to post this a week ago...but I didn't finish it, so yeah. But now I have, so feed, my lovelies. Also...why is this posting system automatically changing my format? My dialogue should be indented, my section breaks asterisks, and I sometimes like to accentuate question marks with exclamation marks (or have three exclamation marks in a row)...but they always ditch them into one exclamation mark...what is the world coming to?

Disclaimer: I forgot to put one up before. I do not own _Naruto_, else Gaara, Neji, Kiba, and Kakashi will all be my slaves, and I would have stolen Shikamaru's brain.

Chapter 2: Operation Get-Sasuke and Kiba gets molested

"Okay...so..." Hinata started to twiddle her fingers. "What's going on?" They were all sitting in Neji's apartment, and it seemed they have a lot of explaining to do to the young Hyuuga heir. Kiba cleared his throat.

"Erm...these two young men we have here are not some people we met during a mission...rather, they're Sakura and Ino." A moment of silence passed to allow Hinata to register what Kiba just said.

"I beg your pardon?" First Stage, initial shock. When Neji told her before, she didn't quite get what he was saying, as he said he'll explain later, and so she decided to wait until they stopped moving to ask again. She couldn't believe what she just heard. "But that's impossible!" Second Stage, denial.

"Well, both of us saw their Chakra Signatures, Hinata-sama, and Kiba and Akamaru recogised their scent." Ichiro suddenly piped in.

"So, Kiba, how's life going for you when you go around smelling other people's odours?"

"Shut up, I saved your arse back there." Kiba spat, sticking up his middle finger, giving Ichiro the one fingered salute. Hinata blinked rapidly. Then again, apart from their overall appearance, Sakui and Ichiro did have the exact same hair, eye and skin colour as Sakura and Ino. And that Ichiro definitely had Ino's sass when he was teasing Kiba. Third Stage, deduction.

"I can't believe it's true..." Fourth Stage, crossing over. "How did this happen?" Final Stage, acceptance. Sakui and Ichiro told their story again. Hinata was very calm during the whole telling. As they finished, she shook her head.

"This must be so hard for you, Sakura-san and Ino-san." she empathised. Sakui and Ichiro glared at Neji and Kiba, for their insensitive initial reactions to their story previously.

"Why can't you be like her!" they hissed in unison. Neji had to hold Kiba down before he leapt on them.

"Kiba, just because they look like guys now, doesn't mean you can beat them up...like guys." Another moment of awkward silence. Sakui decided to ignore this and continued.

"So, to break the spell, Sasuke-kun must fall in love with me, no matter what I look like..." Ichiro fumed.

"Excuse me? He must fall in love with me! Why don't you go find another guy..." They started bickering amongst themselves again. Hinata raised her hand to get their attention.

"Ano...guys...but haven't heard?" Sakui and Ichiro stopped fighting to allow their friend to talk. Hinata blushed. "Sasuke-kun...is...erm...going out with someone."

More silence. Except this was caused by shock. Hence, it was followed by:

"WHAT!" Not only did Sakui and Ichiro thundered, but Kiba also shouted in surprise with them. Neji didn't know this either, but as if he'll shout and lose his dignity.

"Naruto-kun told me yesterday...he was the first to find out...he wanted to find you, Sakura-san, to tell you, but you weren't around."

Sakui and Ichiro felt as if the environment around them went black and they were being flushed down the toilet. Akamaru barked and interrupted their despair. Kiba nodded.

"Yeah, why don't you guys go find that witch again?" Kiba suggested. "Maybe if you suck up to her or something, she'll reverse the spell." Hinata clapped, brimming with excitement.

"Kiba-kun, that's a great idea!" Kiba blushed, grinning excessively.

"Of course, I am our group leader."

"You should go now! I would come with you, but I have something to do for my father..." Hinata sighed. Ichiro frowned.

"But we don't know how to get there! it was just some random cave we popped into..."

"Why dontchya back track..." Kiba suggested. Neji nodded. Sakui sighed. If it's to revert back to their normal forms, they might as well try.

"Alright, we'll do it. It's the best plan we've got." He agreed. Neji stood up, he face in different.

"That's settled then. Sakura and Ino will go find the witch, but someone must go with them. Hinata-sama has to do things for Uncle, while I cannot come either. ANBU business." Neji said. Neji and Hinata then turned their gazes onto Kiba. Kiba frowned. He knew what they wanted.

"Why do I hafta to go!" he demanded. Neji smirked.

"You have no say in this."

"Please, Kiba-kun, if we two could do it, we would have already done so." Hinata pleaded. _Yeah right. This is a waste of time._ Neji pondered. Kiba looked at Hinata's innocent face. He closed his eyes, temple veins pulsing.

"Alright...I'll go." He answered unusually calmly. "But if I come back anything different from when I left, I don't care if you're more powerful than me, but I will definitely and most happily kill you." Kiba pointed straight at Neji. He smirked. _And not Hinata-sama. Right._ Kiba turned to the two she-men.

"We're leaving. Now."

---

It took them half a day to find that despicable cave, mostly due to the fact that Sakui and Ichiro were extremely clumsy to the shinobi style, not used to their new bodies. However, thanks to Kiba/Akamaru's nose (they sniffed out the smoke from the candles) and Sakui's cleverness, they managed to find it. Or so they thought.

"It looks like a mass of trees." Ichiro commented. Sakui stuck his hand into the illusion.

"See? Illusion. She did it to hide her position. Seems like the illusion theory was correct." Sakui entered the cave, his body rippling the illusion of trees. Ichiro, Kiba and Akamaru followed him. They were met by the exact same candles as before.

"Amazing...the wax isn't melting or dripping at all..." Kiba remarked with interest, Akamaru barking in agreement. They continued their trek through the caves, until Sakui tripped over a fold from a roughly placed rug. Ichiro rolled his eyes as he ran to his friend's side.

"Not again." he muttered, as he pulled Sakui up.

"Klutz." They were welcomed by a familiar voice owned by the woman who turned their lives upside-down. Same position as she was yesterday, lounging on her couch. She smiled at them. "Oh, it's you two again. It amazing how you can find this place again." Then she saw there was a third person. Her eyes light up. An actual being from the male species. And not only that, he wasn't bad looking. In fact, while his friends haven't noticed it, Kiba has actually grown into quite a handsome man, with his strong angular pointed face, and his well built body, not too thin, not overly muscular. The witch smiled at the newcomer.

"Please, sit down. Let me take your coat." She welcomed Kiba. Kiba raised an eyebrow in confusion, but not wanting to insult anyone, he took off his faux-fur rimmed hooded jacket, and handed it to her. She saw his leather armoured vest. Kiba didn't wear his Jounin flac jacket, as he had no need for it. "That vest looks so heavy! Take that off too." _Wait a minute..._Kiba thought as he took of his vest, leaving him with only his black mesh t-shirt on. He sat down before the witch can say anything else. He glanced over at Sakui and Ichiro, who were snickering. Looked like they caught on too.

The witch threw his jacket and vest at Sakui and Ichiro, who, in defense, caught the items before they hit their handsome faces. They growled quietly at the witch, who placed her self next to Kiba, arm over his shoulders. Too close. He began to shuffle away from her.

"Hi...erm, I'm here to - "

"Ask for a wish?" The witch said seductively, fingering Kiba's biceps. "Ask anything you want, if you agree to the issue of payment."

"Wha - ?" Kiba was interrupted by the witch lunging on top of him. "I think you misunderstand...I'm here to ask - " He blushed. She was molesting him! Her hand was going under his mesh shirt, and she was stroking his abdominal muscles. Thank god he wasn't ticklish. What Kiba found disturbing was his strength was no match for hers. He could not struggle, let alone sit up. He wondered who was stronger, the Fifth Hokage, Tsunade, or this scary woman. " - if you could reverse the spell for those two over there." At this point Sakui and Ichiro looked incredibly hopeful, wondering if she could reverse it. They felt no remorse for their friend, thinking he probably enjoyed the "attention", not knowing that he was, in fact, negatively overwhelmed. The witch, however, was busy noticing other issues.

"Very interesting! I thought the bodies I gave those two where the hottest male bodies up for grabs...but yours is absolutely perfect! If I met you before them, they would definitely be having a copy of your body..."

"Are you even listening to me?" Kiba's impatience took over his fear. The witch smiled at him.

"Accomplished dreams cannot be reversed. It's my policy." She whispered. However, it was loud enough for the other two to hear. Kiba frowned.

"Look, that'll be my wish. Turn them back!" He fumed. "Also, I think what you're doing to me already covers the issue of payment..." The witch's hand began to find the rim of Kiba's pants " And keep your hands away from my pants! That's a no-go zone!"

"But you said it covers payment."

"Don't push your luck." Kiba glared. The witch sighed. She sat up, taking her hand away from under Kiba's shirt.

"I told you. I can't reverse such spells. They can only be broken by the set requirements." She sighed. Kiba looked furious.

"You're going back on the deal!" He shouted as he straightened his shirt. "You said that you will give me what ever I wished for! I WISH FOR THIS! CHANGE THEM BACK!" Sakui and Ichiro were shocked at his outburst. The witch was silent. It seemed there was no changing the will of the witch. Both youths glanced at each other, and nodded, understanding what they should do. They turned to Kiba.

"Look, Kiba, we'll find a way to reverse the spell. Ourselves. We don't need her." Ichiro said, his voice gentle. Sakui nodded in agreement, his face complacent.

"So, wish for something for yourself." Sakui added. Kiba glared at them.

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I came here for one reason, and one reason only...to get you two back to normal!" Sakui remained defiant.

"Naruto once told me that you were waiting for Akamaru to speak like Kakashi-sensei's nin-dogs, like Pakkun!" They looked at the small white dog. Ichiro understood what should follow.

"Witch! If you cannot change us back, then help Akamaru talk! For Kiba! For Akamaru is Kiba's dearest companion!" Ichiro cried out. His voice echoed the caves. Kiba waved his arm aside.

"What! Akamaru can talk! He can say 'Happy New Year' quite fluently!" Awkward silence.

"So can a parrot." Ichiro replied, unimpressed. The witch stood up, and walked to Akamaru, who was barking threateningly at her. But with a flick of her hand, he was able to say:

"Woof! Get away from me! Woof!" in a rather cute voice, which caused everyone to say:

"Aw..." Kiba grabbed his dog excitedly.

"Akamaru!"

"Kiba-sama! Woof!" He was still able to bark normally, but now, he could also speak. "I can speak now! Now I can tell other people to bugger off when they think it's cute to interrupt my sleep...woof!" Kiba almost cried.

"He's not just repeating 'Happy New Year' again and again and scaring the shit out of people..." Kiba hugged his furry friend. "This is the happiest day in my life! Erm, I mean...damn you, witch! This is not what I wanted! We're leaving!" Kiba stood up, Akamaru following. He grabbed his jacket and vest from his two friends and marched outside. Sakui and Ichiro smiled. That's Kiba for you. They followed him, giving only a glance back to the witch. She watched them walk out of her cave, smiling serenely.

"Interesting. Very interesting. Such loyal friends. Despite their situation, I'm sure those two will get out of it just fine. They're good people. And that young man..." The witch chuckled. "...he's got looks and personality! Bah, I want a man like that..."

---

"What just happened between me and the witch, will never, ever leave this cave, got that!" Kiba waved his finger threatening at the two youths.

"Never ever."

"My lips are sealed." Ichiro and Sakui gave each other mischievous grins and sly glances. Just wait till Hinata get her ears around this. Kiba, however, seemed oblivious to the non-verbal communication occurring between the two boys.

"How are we gonna explain me, woof?" Akamaru barked. Kiba answered him immediately.

"Spontaneous vocal development."

---

"Neji-kun! It's already six thirty pm, and they still haven't returned yet! I wonder if they're okay..." Hinata was staring outside Neji's apartment window, twiddling her fingers nervously as usual. Neji was lounging on his double recliner sofa, reading a newspaper.

"They'll be back. At least before eight." He replied, not even bothering to look up from his paper. Hinata bit her lip nervously, turning around only to give Neji an unimpressed look. It was during this time when Kiba, Sakui and Ichiro marched down the street, and turned into the apartment block. Hinata turned back to the window, only to miss the whole arrival. She was completely startled by the loud banging on the door, and the familiar cry of:

"Open the door, goddamn!" Kiba. Neji stood up and calmly went to the door, opening it, giving Kiba a scolding look.

"Quiet, you don't want the whole neighbourhood to hear, now, do you?" He allowed the three young men in. Kiba was fuming.

"That bitch wouldn't change them back...said it was against her policy."

"Instead, she got me to talk! Woof!" Akamaru barked happily. Kiba felt betrayed.

"Hey! I said spontaneous vocal development!" Too late. Hinata pondered over this.

"But wait...didn't you say this witch has an issue of payment for wishes to come true..." She asked. Sakui and Ichiro's mouths stretched to reveal devious grins.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Kiba leapt on top of the two, covering their mouths. The two men muffled in protest. Neji rolled his white eyes.

"Now you make it a whole lot more obvious." Neji crossed his arms and pretended to look like his was thinking. "Let's see..." he started cynically "...a woman, living alone, made herself beautiful on purpose...a young, rowdy idiot of a male enters her cave...but considering that he's young, male, and considerably fit..." Neji paused to allow everyone to absorb what he just said, a smirk on his handsome face. Hinata blushed when she understood what he was saying.

"Kiba-kun...you...and the witch...?" She said slowly and quietly, only to hide her gaping mouth with a gasp, and began giggling. Kiba was as red as a beetroot.

"It didn't go that far!" he cried in protest, letting go of his two prisoners. They were now gasping for air.

"BAKA!" they cried, hitting him squarely on the head for what he done to them. Kiba yelped in pain. Neji ignored this, and went on with the torment.

"But, you hinted it yourself, something did happen...just not that far." Neji's grin was more devious than the other two. Kiba couldn't believe what he was seeing. But then again, Neji was an arrogant prick. Kiba shook off all his muddled thoughts. But before he could say anything. Akamaru leapt around joylously and cut before him.

"They was that close to making out, woof!" Silence was followed by deafening hoots of laughter (even Neji couldn't help but laugh lightly), as well as cries of "SHUT UP, YOU BASTARDS!" repeated again and again. Finally, the laughter died down, as those who laughed were dying from the muscle cramps at their stomach area. Kiba took this chance to speak.

"That's not the point! The point is these girls can longer be girls!" Neji paused.

"Yes, that is a serious matter. So which country should we send them too?" Neji questioned Kiba seriously. Hinata held her hands in protest.

"Neji-kun! We should be helping them break the spell, not throw them aside!"

"We don't need their help. They're bastards." Sakui told Hinata. Hinata bit her lip. Kiba growled angrily.

"What! I tried helped you with the witch, you ungrateful - " Kiba was

"Alright. But I doubt they can break the spell anyway." Neji stood up. "When you transform back into girls, write letters saying that you both have decided to take a life-inspired trip for soul searching purposes. That will also mean that you must never show your face to anyone in your female form until the spell is broken. Now for the issue of accommodation..."

"They can stay here. I can't take them in, Hyuugas everywhere..." Hinata piped in. Neji raised an eyebrow.

"There's not enough space."

"Huh?" Sakui questioned. "You live here? I thought you lived with in the Hyuuga residence."

"I did. I actually lived here first, then I moved back after the first Chuunin exam, then I moved back because it's closer to the academy." Neji turned to Kiba. "You might hafta take the other one."

"Damn." He saw Hinata's pleading eyes. "Alright, I'll _do_ it." Ichiro cocked his head questioningly.

"Um, if one of us is staying with Kiba, doesn't that mean we'll get caught anyway? His family also has a insanely good sense of smell." Kiba just blinked at him.

"Haven't you heard? I moved out last month. I live next door to Neji." Kiba pointed to one of Neji's walls. "My apartment is on his right. It was pretty much a coincidence. I didn't know he lived there till I bought the place." Kiba ran into Neji's kitchen and brought out one skewer. He broke it into half, then broke one of the halves further again, and took only the pointed pieces, now having one piece shorted than the other. "We'll use these skewer pieces to decide who's hasta babysit who..."

"We're not children!" Sakui and Ichiro cried at the same time.

"Ahem." Kiba glared at them "As I was saying...the short stick can be Ino's, 'cos her name is shorter..." _Actually...I'm implying that her personality is narrow_...Kiba grinned evilly as he thought that. It was obvious to all others that he was suggesting something else about Ino/Ichiro and the shorter stick. Ichiro whacked Kiba solidly at the back of his head, surprising him to the point that he dropped his skewer pieces. Hinata picked them up and turned around, positioning them in the closed fists to show only two pointed ends, both protruding from her hands in equal length.

"It's a good idea, Kiba-kun!" Hinata said as she turned around. "Now, will you and Neji-kun pick one please?" Both boys pulled out a stick each. Neji groaned, but laughed at Kiba's fate. Kiba swore karma was against him. This was all his fault for thinking evil thoughts.

"Goddamn, I got the shorter stick." Kiba peered angrily at Ichiro, who had this smug look of triumph across his face.

"The long one. Sakura, you'll be staying here. The flat which is in better condition, is neater, and also does not have animal fur everywhere."

"I take offence in that, woof." Akamaru barked at Neji. Sakui scratched his chin like a girl, pondering. Neji frowned.

"That's so feminine, Sakura."

"Shut up, I was just thinking, you shouldn't call us Sakura or Ino while we're in this form..." Sakui started. "It'll give us away."

"In fact, I guess it'll be better if you avoid saying our names as much as possible..." Ichiro continued "That will leave less room for errors. But still, no Sakura or Ino while we're like this."

"Glad we came to an agreement, Ichiro."

"We are best friends after all, Sakui." Both young men began to giggle uncontrollably like scary high school girls. Kiba almost cried.

"Will you please please PLEASE stop acting like girls? It's doing crap to my self-esteem!" he pleaded. Akamaru began to scratch himself, and fur went all over Neji's carpet. Neji groaned. Cleaning fur from carpet was not something he liked doing.

"Anyway...the most important thing is how to get you two back to normal. What are you two planning?"

"TO GET SASUKE, OF COURSE!" Sakui and Ichiro cried at the same time. Sparks flew between them in rage and jealousy. "NO, I AM! HE'S MINE!" They started bickering amongst themselves again. Neji's veins began to pulse. _Not again...and to think they were saying they were best friends before this..._

"I though he was going out with someone...anyway, Sakura, why don't you let Ino have Sasuke? I'm sure you can get Naruto or Lee to fall for you easy..." Kiba started, only to cower at Sakui's ferocious demonic facial expression. _Thank god Neji has her...not me..._

"LIKE HELL I WILL!"

"This is war." Ichiro announced. Sakui glared further.

"I'm getting Sasuke-kun."

"No way. I shall dub this 'Operation Get-Sasuke'! May the best boy win!" And they shook on it. Neji and Kiba stared blankly on, while Hinata smiled uneasily.

"I think it's time for me to go home, or Father will get angry...good luck, you two!" Then she mouthed "and lots of luck for you, Neji-kun, Kiba-kun..." where they replied with sighs of hopelessness. This will be a long quest. They were hoping the spell would be broken in a week...but as if that will happen. It's hard enough getting with a boy even if you are a girl...and Sasuke was not only straight, but currently with a girl. Life was not fair to Neji and Kiba. They might have to live those to horrors for the rest of their lives. They gulped. Death was not such a bad idea now...

_To be continued...with chapter 3, duh..._

AN: DONE! That was long...and slightly...er...startling. Oh well, intros can be long, but now we're going somewhere! More Kiba than Neji in this chapter, more so than the girl-guys too...but we'll have more of them in following chapters, they are the lead girl-guys anyway. Also, note how Kiba has a light crush on Hinata. Too lazy, cant be bothered proof reading. Expect another chapter soon...meanwhile, go write a review or read something else. Yes...like another one of my junk (or not). -disappears mysteriously into a mist-


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